dear jamie,

i am, yet again, sitting next to jamie watching fight club. she's reading and i'm blogging. but we are listenting to edward norton narrate and explain insonia "everything is a copy of a copy of a copy". this movie makes me so happy, but the last couple of times i've watched i can't get into it because we end up talking and what not. i've heard about this movie for awhile, brad pitts first movie. kelly used to talk about it alot and she still does. she doesn't even know she always tries to sound cool by talking about things that are unpopular that people don't know about. she annoys me alot. she honestly is the most fake person i have ever known. what bothers me the most is that she acts like she cares about james but all she really cares about is partying and being cool.

most people from my school/town bug me. there are very few that don't. honestly there are very few people at all that don't bug me in some way. i'm sure i'm annoying but well i could care less anymore. i am who i am. i have flaws and short comings but own up to them and i'm working on it. i've made mistakes and unlike most ignorant 16 year old girls i've learned from them and i do worry about being stuck in susquehanna forever. i have goals, not just dreams, that i con accomplish. i may be uncool now but at least i'll have a life, i won't be here sticking needles in my arm or at the bar every day. functioning alcoholics, how disgusting.

i want so much more out of life then just the middle. more then being popular in high school, being at the coolest parties, sleeping with the hot guys, wearing the brand names. i'm not saying i'm above all of these things i just handle myself differently.

i guess i'm just different, i'm at a different point in my life. most teenagers have the same perspective but i think i have a different angle. i do not mind one bit. i'd rather now be like the rest of them. in the end i know i'll go further, do more, experience more, live more. even if they view living through a bottle or a needle. all i know is that i'm sick of everyone. i'm sick of myself.